{"id":464,"date":"2020-12-22T23:17:52","date_gmt":"2020-12-22T23:17:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.ims-online.com\/?p=464"},"modified":"2020-12-22T23:19:45","modified_gmt":"2020-12-22T23:19:45","slug":"its-the-thought-that-counts","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.ims-online.com\/index.php\/2020\/12\/22\/its-the-thought-that-counts\/","title":{"rendered":"IT\u2019S THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Santa came in 1973. That was no miracle\u2014he came like clockwork every Christmas. What made this year remarkable was the gift he brought me, and how my parents wouldn\u2019t let me have it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my stocking, sitting beside the common toys and the treats, there was a note written in grand, sweeping calligraphy. It said:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Dear Neil,
I\u2019ve noticed what a nice boy and good helper you are. I want you to come to the North Pole with me and be one of my elves. Ask your Mom and Dad for permission.
Merry Christmas,
Santa Claus<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wow! THE Santa Claus was asking ME to come to THE North Pole with him. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wondered if he would land his sleigh on the roof, where all the awe-struck neighbors could watch me board, my chest proudly thrusting skyward, before I was whisked away to the Arctic. Or perhaps he would bring the reindeer down on the front lawn\u2014that would give them a chance to graze, and leave more room for the crowds of people to gather around and celebrate my unprecedented accomplishment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It truly was a miracle. Not one of those bogus miracles, like a beautiful sunset or the smile of a young child. This was the real deal. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I threw the rest of my stocking aside, clenched the note in my triumphantly raised hand, and ran laps around the room yelling, \u201cI\u2019M GOING TO BE AN ELF! I\u2019M GOING TO BE AN ELF!!!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ten minutes of shouting and sprinting calmed me down a bit, and I took the sacred note before my mother. \u201cMom, can I go to the North Pole and be an elf?\u201d I asked. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cNo,\u201d the cold voice of reality rolled down from on high, \u201cYou have to stay here and go to school.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

School? School!?! Was she crazy? I whined, and cried, and begged, but it was no use. My parents would not budge. The miracle of 1973 ended just as unfathomably as it began. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Years passed, my heart healed, and eventually I grew older with children of my own. As I remembered the hope-dashing note in my stocking, I went before my mother as an adult with a different question: \u201cWhat were you thinking?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI thought you would think it was nice,\u201d the household calligraphist responded. \u201cI thought it would make you feel good, but I didn\u2019t think you would actually want to go away and leave your family.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

School and family versus Santa Claus, the North Pole, and toys? She had made an assumption about my six-year-old wants and values, and couldn\u2019t have been more mistaken. We risk making the same mistake when we assume what others value. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Managers may begin an employee of the month program only to find it\u2019s counterproductive\u2014the selected employees would have performed well anyway, they feel embarrassed by the formal recognition, and all the unselected employees feel unappreciated. Companies may lose thousands in misguided incentives when all most people wanted was a little recognition and sincere appreciation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When we want to motivate an individual or create a plan to influence a group, we should be wary of assuming we know what others value. As hard as it is to understand in the moment, others aren\u2019t wired like us. My favorite way of pointing this out in workshops is to ask how many people are motivated by a contest. Typically, about a third of the hands go up. Then I ask how many find contests demotivating. Guess what? About a third of the hands go up. It\u2019s a powerful visualization.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Our big mistake is assuming that what works for us, works for others. Pause and take time to find out what others want and why they want it. Maybe they’re motivated by autonomy and freedom or perhaps they value a good challenge and the chance to create something new. Others might find connecting with a leader or a customer just the thing to create enthusiasm. You won\u2019t really know until you ask. And when it comes to gifts and influence, it\u2019s the thought that really counts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

ABOUT NEIL STAKER<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Neil Staker is the president and founder of Collaborant<\/a>. He has a Masters of Organizational Behavior degree from BYU and a quarter of a century of experience in organizational development. Neil is known for his clear, approachable, and interactive speaking style. He has taught communication skills to thousands of people including leaders from American Express, Symantec, Cerner, UMB Financial, and Monsanto. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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