{"id":653,"date":"2022-03-22T23:00:00","date_gmt":"2022-03-22T23:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.ims-online.com\/?p=653"},"modified":"2022-03-24T14:12:00","modified_gmt":"2022-03-24T14:12:00","slug":"six-common-listening-mistakes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.ims-online.com\/index.php\/2022\/03\/22\/six-common-listening-mistakes\/","title":{"rendered":"SIX COMMON LISTENING MISTAKES"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Today\u2019s work world demands world-class listening skills\u2013\u2013 to avoid costly errors, reduce wasted time, surface new ideas, gather data for solving problems, build trust, and defuse conflict. It\u2019s even more important given our migration towards remote work. Unfortunately, many of us are guilty of six common listening mistakes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today\u2019s remote workers are accustomed to working virtually, but do you still suffer what the State of Remote Work<\/a><\/em> study reports as greater loneliness and lower collaboration? Anxiety, depression, drug abuse, and suicide rates have skyrocketed since COVID. The virtual volcano has erupted into more disconnected, depersonalized work relationships. Remote work isn\u2019t the only cause, but social isolation is a factor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Stellar interpersonal skills\u2013\u2013 especially listening\u2013\u2013eases the pain of separation at work. They constitute a remote worker\u2019s superpower. You\u2019ll become \u201cinterpersonally invulnerable\u201d by avoiding six common listening mistakes whether face-to-face, in virtual meetings, on the phone, or in emails and texts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

1. EXCESSIVE SELF-FOCUS<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Consider the self-absorbed actor: \u201cBut enough talking about me. Let\u2019s talk about you. What do you think of my latest movie?\u201d<\/em> Self-focus also means too rarely giving others airtime, or half-listening\u2013\u2013 enough to get the gist of what someone\u2019s saying before stealing the focus with our own story or opinion. Heed the adage, \u201cGod gave us two ears and only one mouth, so we can listen twice as much as we speak.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

2. FAULTY FOCUSING SKILLS<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Do you take virtual listening mental vacations (\u201cWonder if I should go with US Coin or Bitcoin\u2026\u201d)<\/em>, check emails, or respond to a ping? You can\u2019t do two things at once if one of them is listening. Antidotes are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 Focus Your Mind<\/em>– Consciously decide to really listen. Image a traffic signal turning red for your speaking turn and green for your listening turn. Mentally hear or see the word \u201cLISTEN.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u2022 Focus Physically-<\/em> Olivia Newton John sang it: \u201cLet\u2019s Get Physical!\u201d Face the person squarely, raise your computer to eye level, look right into your computer camera, lean forward, look interested, and nod your head. Attentive body language is common sense, but not common practice. Use listening body language even on the phone, since your mind focuses if your body focuses. Picture the person right in front of you or put up a mirror, to see how well you\u2019re attending.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

3. REACTING INSTEAD OF BRIEFLY PARAPHRASING<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Real listening isn\u2019t merely silently hearing the other person attentively. It takes more. You may think you understand the other\u2019s message, but prove it, by paraphrasing<\/em> in your own words (not just parroting) (e.g. \u201cJoe, you sound skeptical about this investment over the long haul\u2026am I tracking?\u201d<\/em>) Paraphrasing checks for understanding and conveys empathy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

4. FORGETTING THE FEELINGS.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Besides paraphrasing content, show empathy for emotions, too. \u201cJoanne, you\u2019re obviously ticked at me for not replying sooner to your email.\u201d<\/em> She at least feels heard. In the classic, To Kill a Mockingbird, Atticus Finch tells his daughter, \u201cScout, to really understand another man, you\u2019ve got to get in his shoes and walk around in them for a day.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

5. UNDER-SHOOTING OR OVER-SHOOTING THE FEELINGS<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Are you paraphrasing with the right feeling word? For anger, is the person mildly just bothered or are they outraged? A colleague screams, \u201cI can\u2019t believe Jorge! He hijacked my agenda during the virtual meeting. Who the hell does he think he is?!” <\/em>Don\u2019t undershoot by paraphrasing, \u201cYou sound a little perturbed\u2026.,\u201d<\/em> or you\u2019ll break rapport instead of building it. But don\u2019t overshoot. A peer confides, \u201cI\u2019m trying to figure out which guy to hire. Jamal is a whiz with the software but being from outside, he doesn\u2019t understand our culture. Tammy knows the politics and culture but will have a technology learning curve.\u201d <\/em> If you paraphrase, \u201cYou\u2019re totally immobilized and devastated by this heavy-duty decision\u2026\u201d<\/em> they\u2019re thinking, \u201cWhoa, back off, Freud!\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

6. SOUNDING UNNATURAL AND TECHNIQUE-Y<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Like bicycle training wheels, listening\u2019s \u201ctraining wheels\u201d are lead-in phrases like, \u201cSeems like you feel ___ about ___\u2026,\u201d \u201cIn other words, you\u2026,\u201d \u201cYou sound\u2026\u201d<\/em> They help prevent \u201cfalling off\u201d of listening into instead prematurely spouting with our reaction. But an adult riding a bike with training wheels looks unnatural. Avoid the same lead-in stem repetitively: \u201cSounds like you\u2019re saying\u2026sounds like you\u2019re saying\u2026sounds like you\u2019re saying\u2026\u201d<\/em> It sounds too \u201ctechnique-y\u201d and screams that you just read a blog about listening!  Also, don\u2019t cram in too many: \u201cSounds like you saying, if I\u2019m hearing you right, that in other words, it seems like you feel\u2026\u201d<\/em> Easy does it! Occasionally, just omit the listening lead- in phrase and say whatever would come after the stem: \u201cHow frustrating\u2026she totally ignored your input after asking for it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Winston Churchill once said, \u201cCourage means being willing to stand up and speak. It also means being willing to sit down and listen.\u201d Hopefully, avoiding these common listening errors will help you to exercise that courage with world-class listening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

For more information on powerful communication please refer to the IMS February 21st blog on Communicating with Impact<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

ABOUT DR. RICK BRANDON<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Rick Brandon, Ph. D., is\u00a0CEO of Brandon Partners<\/strong>, offering flagship workshops on Organizational Savvy and Interpersonal Savvy. His new book is \u00a0Straight Talk: Influencing Skills for Collaboration and Commitment<\/a>, <\/em>which comes after his Wall Street Journal\u00a0bestselling\u00a0Survival of the Savvy: High-Integrity Political Tactics for Career and Company Success<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em>With thirty years of performance improvement experience, Rick has trained tens of thousands at companies worldwide, including scores of Fortune 500 companies.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today\u2019s work world demands world-class listening skills\u2013\u2013 to avoid costly errors, reduce wasted time, surface new ideas, gather data for solving problems, build trust, and defuse conflict. It\u2019s even more important given our migration towards remote work. Unfortunately, many of us are guilty of six common listening mistakes. Today\u2019s remoteContinue Reading<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":37,"featured_media":664,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[31,252,259],"tags":[144,261,260],"yoast_head":"\nSix Common Listening Mistakes That Make Communication More Difficult<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Communication is critical, especially when working remotely. 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