Women's Leadership Expert and Author Audrey Nelson PhD.

  1. ACCOUNTABILITY
  2. ACCESSIBILITY
  3. ASSERTIVENESS
  4. AGGRESSIVENESS
  5. ANGER
  6. AFFABILITY
  7. AUTHORITY
  8. ACCOMMODATE
  9. AVOID
  10. AFFILIATION
  11. APPROVAL
  12. APOLOGIZING
  13. AMBITION

The 13 A’s to Ax are critical behaviors that impact women’s leadership style. Before a woman can forge a path to leadership, she must conquer these internal roadblocks. The thirteen behaviors are struggles women experience with their attitude and expression of them; that is, their comfort level and familiarity is problematic and does not serve them well as leaders.

For example, one of the A’s is affability. Women not only compulsively smile more than men, but they smile at the wrong time, which can jeopardize their credibility by sending mixed messages—a contradiction between verbal and nonverbal messages. People don’t know which one to believe. Often a woman will smile when she is making a serious point or engaged in conflict as if to mitigate the situation, to soften the blow. So, I am not saying women should stop smiling altogether, but they need to consider the context and the message. We all like to work with happy people, but we are confused by contradictory messages.

Approval and Affiliation

Another example is approval and affiliation. We are social animals and have a hard-wired need for approval and inclusion in the group. For women, it is paramount that they are liked; men often gauge their prowess by not necessarily always being liked and approved of by others—sometimes a “macho” factor. This is best represented by a remark I heard a middle manager make: “Somebody has to do the dirty work and call out this bad solution and if it means I am not going to be liked, so be it.” Women face the task of monitoring what they sacrifice: their opinions and ideas for the sake of approval.

Approval and affiliation can bring down a teen girl and a senior executive equally.  Friendships are important to women, and they learn young the prerequisite of liking other children in order to play with them; fast forward to a managerial level: Women feel an immense loyalty to their colleagues. It is common for women to refuse to transfer to another department because of the bond they have with existing peers.

In a recent consolidation of research on women in the workplace for the last three decades, Gallop produced a report, Women: Work and Life Well-Lived. The report identifies the “friendship factor.” For women, work not only provides a steady paycheck but also a sense of purpose and an important social outlet; sixty-six percent of women say the social aspect of a job is a “major reason” why they work. Because a woman has a deep sense of affiliation with her team members, it benefits the organization, as well. In other words, her ability to form strong relationships relates to better business outcomes, including profitability, safety, and most importantly, customers’ emotional connection and loyalty to the business. One of the most important realizations women have to learn is how to maintain the positive qualities and attributes of affiliation without compromising their ability to express a conflicting opinion.

New Rules and Realities

There are new rules and realities for leadership in the workplace. Men and women are not the same and have different approaches to how they lead. In order for women to share their work lives as equals, they must learn to tackle simple behaviors governed by internal thought patterns. A woman cannot always control the external environment, what people think or organizational constraints, but she does have control over her internal attitudes and predispositions; she can change the way she thinks and then the way she behaves.

There are many lessons girls have learned from playing cooperatively rather than forming hierarchical groups. Girls generally prefer a flat organization and the premium is on getting along with others and learning how to smooth things over and negotiate to save and preserve relationships. Girls will typically choose reciprocity and intimacy in playing games. These lessons have served women well in developing interpersonal competence, emotional intelligence, enhanced social skills, and the ability to sustain relationships. However, the paradox of interpersonal skill and acquiescence is a tightrope women must walk. It functions as a part of the micro-political structure that undergirds the larger political structure of the workplace. For the larger political context to exist and carry on, there are many actions and interactions that take place during the workday to support it and maintain it.

The 13 A’s to Ax are interrelated issues women have with behaviors that serve to perpetuate the disparities in men and women’s attitudes toward leadership and the willingness of others to follow women. When a woman pursues leadership, whether it is an entry-level leadership position or if she is already in a mid-level management or director position, she becomes frustrated, bewildered, and confused. She begins to mistrust her judgment. She is experiencing a backlash to her leadership style.

Finally, these 13 A’s serve to maintain and convey signals of compliance, control, and dependence that influence us and those around us. Conquering the challenges a woman has with The 13 A’s to Ax will enable her to not only join the ranks of male leadership, but to also surpass it.

leadership body language with Carol Kinsey Goman

You may have a leadership title – or tremendous leadership potential — but do you look like a leader? Influencing people’s perception of you is called impression management, and body language plays a key role.

Here are five body language hacks that make you look like a leader:

1. Start With Your Posture

Try this: Raise your shoulders toward your ears. Now roll them back. Now drop them down. Keeping this erect posture with your shoulders back and your head straight makes you look very sure of yourself.

Power and authority are nonverbally expressed by expanding into height and space. When you want to project leadership presence at a meeting, sit tall and claim your territory. Uncross your legs and place your feet firmly on the floor. Bring your elbows away from your body and widen your arm position. Your expanded body language will not only change the way people perceive you – it will influence the way you feel about yourself.

When you stand, be aware that if your feet are close together, you can look hesitant or unsure. But when you widen your stance, relax your knees, and center your weight in your lower body, you look more “solid” and credible.  

2. Make Sure You’re Present

An up-and-coming manager was being groomed for a leadership position, but after attending a staff meeting, her boss took her aside. “Never do that again,” he said. “You didn’t look like you were fully present. You didn’t make eye contact with the speaker, you didn’t join the discussion, and you certainly didn’t look like a leader.”

Her boss made a valid point. You can’t project leadership presence if you aren’t perceived as being present.

At every meeting you attend, make sure you stay engaged by actively participating, making eye contact with, and orienting your body toward, whomever is speaking,

3. Use Gestures That Signal Leadership

Leadership presence is enhanced by using smooth, controlled gestures between your waist and your shoulders. Warmth and openness are demonstrated by rotating hands with palms up at about a 45-degree angle, a way of indicating that you have nothing to hide.  Moving your hands and arms away from the front of your torso is another way of indicating sincerity and security. The more you cover your body with folded arms or tightly-held hands, the more it appears you need to protect or defend yourself.

Authority is shown by rotating your hands palms-down, a nonverbal way of saying, “Hold that thought.” The steeple gesture (where the tips of your fingers touch, but your palms are separated) is a sign that you’re sure of what you’re saying. As such, it can be very effective when you want to emphasize a certain point.

Gestures to avoid include the “fig leaf.” Most people unconsciously clasp their hands in front of their lower body, creating a protective fig leaf effect. Whenever you use this gesture, especially during a formal presentation, it indicates that you’re insecure or uncomfortable. A better choice would be to clasp your hands at waist level.

Gestures are a key part of how people perceive you. Using a variety of gestures helps you connect with your audience. You’re more compelling and convincing when you talk with your hands – as long as you know what they are saying.

4. Sound Like a Leader

As a leader you can be sure that people will not only be listening to your words, they’ll be evaluating how you say what you say.

Speaking loudly and quickly makes you sound confident – unless, of course, you are shouting, which makes you seem rude and insensitive. Speaking softly can be effective for signaling a confidential or very important message. But always make sure you are speaking with enough volume to be heard. And remember to enunciate and speak clearly.

Put enough emotion in your voice to avoid a monotone delivery that sounds as if you’re bored or detached. I’ve heard leaders praise people in such a flat tone of voice that none of the recipients felt genuinely appreciated.

By the way, when you’re speaking, don’t be concerned with filling every moment with words. Instead, try pausing. It’s unexpected, it’s attention-getting, and it’s effective . . . very effective.

5. Ace Your Business Handshake

In the workplace, warmth and welcome are transmitted by shaking hands, and this seemingly simple greeting may be what someone remembers most about meeting you. That’s because touch is the most primitive and powerful nonverbal cue.

Be aware that people are personality judgments based on the kind of handshake you have. A weak handshake may mark you as “too timid for leadership.” And the “bone crusher” — where s person squeezes too tightly – almost always gives the impression of being overbearing or insensitive. The perfect handshake is firm, with palm-to-palm contact, so that the web of you hand (the skin between your thumb and first finger) touches the web of the other person’s hand. The more skin you can contact, the more you come across as trustworthy and reliable.

Remember to offer your hand with your palm facing sideways. If you extend your hand with the palm up, it makes you look submissive. When you hold out your hand with the palm down, or if you twist your hand downward during the handshake, it sends the message that you feel superior. But when you offer your hand sideways, it sends a message of equality and self-confidence.

Try these five body language hacks. You may be surprised to find that these simple nonverbal cues can give a powerful boost your leadership presence by positively influencing the way others perceive you.

About Carol Kinsey Goman Ph.D.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an international keynote speaker on Leadership Presence and Body Language for Leaders for corporations, conventions, universities, and government agencies. She will be doing two IMS programs this November in Kansas City and Los Angeles. You can learn more about the program HERE. Carol can be reached through her website: https://CarolKinseyGoman.com.

Author Jan Ferri-Reed

It’s only a matter of time. The leading edge of the Millennial generation, now in its late 30s, is loading up the ranks of management. Over the next 20 years, Generation Y supervisors and managers will steadily replace Baby Boomers and Gen Xers at supervisory levels, including the executive suite. But are they ready for big roles?

The good news is that, for the most part, Millennials are excited about having the opportunity to manage and lead. As a group, Millennials are believed to be confident, ambitious, skilled and well-educated. They expect to do well in their careers and strive for an opportunity to exhibit their skills.

The Challenges Facing Gen Y Managers 

The first problem facing newly appointed Millennial supervisors may be the “perception gap” that exists between Generation Y and older generations. Older workers may suspect their Millennial supervisors lack the work ethic that got their predecessors promoted.

Millennial managers may also harbor certain stereotypes. They may view their older workers as stuck in their ways, staunch in their beliefs and late (perhaps hesitant) adopters of technology.  

Of course, these perceptions are generalizations. They may not be fair to individual workers and could interfere with Generation Y’s abilities to build trust and the older generations’ abilities to succeed under new, younger management. 

Millennials may also tend to underestimate their older employee’s skills, knowledge and contributions to the workplace. With less tenure in the company, they may not always be aware of the organization’s history, traditions and cultural expectations.  

Collaboration styles

Millennials are widely regarded as having a collaborative style of communication and teamwork. Unfortunately, Baby Boomers and Gen Xers may not have always had the pleasure of working for collaborative supervisors. After decades of management and organizational development, “top down,” formal styles of management are more familiar to many older workers. Employees who are accustomed to explicit direction may not respond well to supervisors who solicit input and give employees autonomy.  

There is also a risk that a Generation Y’s relationship with members of their own generation may suffer when they receive an appointment to management. This isn’t strictly a generational dilemma. Workers elevated in the ranks often find their former coworkers regard them as friends rather than superiors. This can become problematic when supervisors must give corrective feedback to an employee who remains a friend. It can be difficult to maintain the balance between being a good friend and an effective leader. 

Supervisory Strategies for Millennial Managers 

Most successful supervisors are made and not born. By implementing strategies for taking charge of the work team and building trust and respect, new Generation Y supervisors can be sure to get their management careers off on the right foot. 

Establish Two-Way Communication and Build Trust 

A great first step for a new millennial supervisor is to conduct one-on-one discussions with each of their employees. This time should be used to become acquainted (as needed), discuss the employee’s expectations and review the team’s goals. This is the best way to prevent future communication breakdowns and the best way to begin establishing trust with each employee. 

Establish Expectations 

Most employees are anxious to find out what their new supervisor expects from them as a team, as well individually. While it may not be necessary to establish new office rules, it may be best for new supervisors to review existing policies. This is a good time to clarify expectations, explain one’s management style and determine communication and coaching preferences. 

Celebrate Successes 

Ultimately, a team supervisor is responsible for ensuring that their team is successful in meeting the company’s goals. This also means that supervisors should provide positive feedback in addition to constructive feedback.  By celebrating team and individual successes, newer supervisors can gain leadership status and credibility with employees. 

Leaders of the Future 

There certainly are many other tasks, functions and skills that supervisors should learn if they plan on long careers in management. Will these Generation Y managers confidently take the reins and lead their organizations to greater levels of success? Or will they crash and burn? Perhaps only time will tell, but there’s good reason to hope for the best. 

About Dr. Jan Ferri-Reed

Dr. Jan Ferri-Reed is a seasoned consultant and President of KEYGroup®, a 33-year international speaking, training and assessment firm. She is co-author of Keeping the Millennials: Why Companies are Losing Billions in Turnover to This Generation and What To Do About It, and author of Millennials 2.0 – Empowering Generation Y.  Jan will be presenting her program at IMS New York in December. Learn more about Dr. Ferri-Reed.

leadership body language with Carol Kinsey Goman

He’s the boss, she’s bossy. He’s assertive, she’s domineering. He strategizes, she schemes.

He’s powerful and likeable, she’s powerful or likeable.

As males rise in rank and status at work, they retain (and often increase) their perceived likeability – so they can be both powerful and likeable. The Double-Bind Paradox states that women must project authority in order to advance in the business world, but the more powerful they appear, the less they are liked. Catalyst, an organization that studies women in leadership, calls this the “dammed if you do, doomed if don’t” dilemma. Their research shows that women in power can be seen as capable or likeable — but rarely both.

Blame it on the stereotypes we hold of women as nurturing, sensitive and collaborative, When their behavior is congruent with these traits, women are liked, although not seen as especially powerful. When their behavior runs counter to the stereotype, they are perceived more negatively. A frequently cited Harvard Business School study, the Heidi/Howard case, shows that when the same highly assertive and successful leader is described to grad students (of both genders), that person is seen as far more appealing when given a male name instead of a female one.

Does that mean that female leaders are indeed “dammed or doomed” as Catalyst suggested? Well, maybe not.

One encouraging possibility that addresses this bias comes from another study at Stanford Graduate School of Business that found businesswomen who are assertive and confident, but who can turn these traits on and off depending on the social circumstances, get more promotions than either men or other women. This research suggests the most successful women have developed a strategic ability to read a situation and alter their behavior accordingly.

Here’s where body language comes in.

When working with a leader, followers continuously and unconsciously assess her nonverbal signals for warmth (empathy, likeability, caring) and authority (power, credibility, status). So knowing how your body language cues are most likely to be perceived can be the first step to being able to move successfully from making one impression to the other.

Take head positions, for example. Head tilting is a signal that someone is listening and involved — and a particularly feminine gesture. As such, head tilts can be very empathetic and warm, but they are also subconsciously processed as submission signals. (Dogs tilt their heads to expose their necks, as a way to show deference to the dominant animal.) Remember to use head tilts when you want to demonstrate your concern for and interest in members of your team or when you want to encourage people to expand on what they are saying. But when you need to project power and confidence — when asking for a job promotion or giving a presentation to senior management — keep your head straight up in a more neutral (and authoritative) position.

Then there is the matter of posture. Status and authority are nonverbally demonstrated through claiming height and space. Watch the high-status males in your organization. They almost always expand into available space and take up room. So, when you want to project status, remember to stand tall, pull your shoulders back, widen your stance, and hold your head held high. On the other hand, when you want to display empathy or increase collaboration, you’ll also want to minimize your power signals, and replace them with warmer ones — forward leans, head nods, and aligned shoulders, torso, legs pointed toward whomever is speaking.

Gestures Send a Message

Gestures, too, send their own messages, and by paying attention, you can make sure they are sending the right message. Since early history, people showed their palms to one another to display the fact that they were unarmed – and therefore friendly. Open arms with palms showing indicate candor and inclusiveness, so they are very effective when you want to proclaim your sincerity or build trust in a group. Projecting confidence and certainty is achieved by “steepling” (finger tips touching, palms separated) or rotating your hands palms-down. Both gestures indicate that you are absolutely sure of your position. (Just watch that you don’t overuse them and weaken the impact.)

It’s a similar issue with physical animation. When you want to pull people into a discussion, stay animated in your facial expressions and use your hands as illustrators to make what you are describing more vivid. But when you want to maximize your authority, maintain more of a “poker face” and minimize your gestures by keeping them smaller and displaying most of them at waist height.

The obvious implication of the Stanford research for women who want to advance in their organizations is to master the ability to display competence and power when the situation requires it, and to signal warmth and empathy when it is most effective to do so. That’s how body language can help you defeat the Double-Bind Paradox.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is the president of Kinsey Consulting Services. She’s an international keynote speaker and an authority on the impact of body language on leadership effectiveness, and her passion is helping talented women build their leadership presence. Carol’s clients include over 200 organizations in 25 countries. Her programs for women leaders have been presented at events including European Women in Technology, Amazon, Women@Google, Expedia – Global Women’s Conference, Executive Women’s Forum, Stanford University, and UNC School of Government – Engaging Women in Public Service.

Carol is a leadership blogger for Forbes and the author of twelve business books including The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help – or Hurt – How You Lead. She has been cited as an authority in media such as Industry Week, Investors’ Business Daily, CNN’s Business Unusual, PBS Marketplace, the Washington Post’s On Leadership column, MarketWatch radio, and the NBC Nightly News.

Dr. Carol Kinsey Goman is presenting two programs for IMS in November in Los Angeles and Kansas City. Sign up to experience these highly interactive sessions.

It begins simple enough.  You have a mountain you dream of climbing.  It might be climbing an actual mountain, writing a book, changing careers, or maybe going to graduate school – who knows.  The goal seems possible, but terribly challenging. 

The weight of the goal makes you hesitate.  You delay.  The monster is born.  It dwells under your bed, watching you, waiting for the opportunity to maul your dreams. 

Your life continues and to the typical observer, all is well, but you know better.  The monster breathes so loud, you can’t ignore it.  You try to deal with it by saying that soon you’ll be ready to commit to the goal.  As soon as you finish that one thing!  It becomes clear you’re just delaying.  The monster continues to grow. 

The noise under the bed cripples your ability to sleep.  Fine!  You get up in the middle of the night and resolve to get it done.  You write the first draft of the first chapter or fill out the first few applications for graduate school.  The monster falls silent, watching to see what you’ll do.  You feel triumphant!

Quickly life encroaches, and you lose focus.  Every day at work there are endless fires to fight.  At home, a family who rightfully needs your attention.  You don’t actually write chapter one, let alone a second or third chapter.  The applications are never mailed.  The monster howls, relishing its victory.  It’s mocking you. 

The truth is that in life it’s far easier to make excuses, than to work extra hard for an extended period of time.  Your choice:  make excuses or make progress.  The trouble with excuses is that they are addicting.  Like drugs, they are an easy answer.  They might distract you, but they never solve the problem.

Here’s your call to action. 

Realize that most of your constraints are imagined.  They might pose a real challenge, but how you choose to view that challenge is entirely up to you.  Whether or not the glass is half full is your call to make. 

Next, realize that all big accomplishments are predicated on trying and failing.  Any learning curve will result in mistakes, setbacks, and screw-ups.  That’s just the natural process of learning.  It’s time to stop living in fear of other people knowing you’ve failed or that you’re imperfect.  Wear your learning moments like the badges of honor they are.

Be honest – what kind of life do you want to live?  When you’re in your last year and looking back on life, how would you like to summarize the journey?  There are two main choices.  You can say, “Hey, I avoided risks, was always careful, and never really failed in any significant way.  I survived.”  Or, you can say, “I tried a lot of things.  I enjoyed a few huge victories, and many defeats, but mostly I’m just happy I tried to chase my dreams.  I survived.”

What kind of survivor do you want to be?

Here’s how to arm yourself to slay the monster.  It starts with team planning.  If you have significant others, they need to know about your intentions, support you, and accept a plan moving forward that allows you to be dedicated to the goal (financially and logistically).  Very often, it takes a team to propel you forward.

Before you launch the plan, be sure you don’t try to re-invent the wheel.  Use your network, a coach, a mentor.  Go find people who have done what you’re dreaming of doing, or something similar.  Ask them what they wish they would have known before they began.  Ask for their wisdom. 

Plan for failure. 

If setbacks and mistakes are inevitable, plan for them.  For example, when a difficult unexpected moment happens during the journey, it helps to have a go-to routine.  Try some version of this:  spend a little time alone, choose not to make fast rash decisions unless utterly necessary, say to yourself that you knew this would happen – that it’s normal, and that it will fuel learning once you check the emotions and get focused on learning. 

Okay.  Now you’re ready.  It’s time to slay the monster.

Dr. Dewett is one of the world’s leading leadership personalities. Authenticity expert. Killer keynotes. TEDx speaker. Inc. Magazine Top 100 leadership speaker. Bestselling author at LinkedIn Learning. Over twenty million professionals can’t be wrong. Find out what all the fuss is about: www.drdewett.com.

Dr. Dewett is presenting five programs for IMS in June in Chicago, San Francisco, New Jersey, Washington D.C. and Toronto. Sign up to experience these terrific, interactive sessions.